Communication problems can start from the smallest things. The text sounds cool. One comment went wrong. When two people walk away, they feel completely misunderstood.
If you have ever wondered why people get confused, it usually happens that no two people hear the same message in the same sense.
Most communication problems are not about bad intentions at all. Once you understand why people misunderstand, many daily conflicts begin to make more sense.
Highlights
- Misunderstandings are at the core of many tensions and conflicts in the modern world.
- Many mental processes imply all kinds of misunderstandings.
- Clearly seeing these ideas can help us avoid misunderstandings in our lives.
- Here are four common sources of misunderstandings, along with tips on how to avoid them.
So here’s the picture: Your rush is creating a fun social media post about your cat. Twice a week you post funny cat videos with some extra content. You have almost 150,000 subscribers and you are having fun with it.
Then it happens. Obviously, without your knowledge, the social media platform you use has changed its “unsubscribe” protocol, making it harder for people to unsubscribe.
You became aware of the change via an email from someone labeled “Anonymous”. It reads: Great job that makes it almost impossible for people to unsubscribe from your account. You are a greedy gunman. Happy stealing people’s money.
Related: Why good communication is really a provision of good mood in cheating
You have been blocked by this comment for a number of reasons. At first you did not know that the social media platform has changed its unsubscribe process.
In addition, you will not make it difficult for anyone to unsubscribe from your account directly.
Also, regarding the comment about “stealing people’s money”, you want this anonymous host to know that you made $ 59 last year from over 100 posts and received more than 500,000 views. Breathe big.
This example speaks to the concept of misunderstanding. Clearly, annoying customers have misunderstood your control over the technical operation of the platform. In addition, that person misunderstands your financial profit in the whole effort.
Misunderstandings are a core human problem
If you think about it a little bit, you can probably name several cases of confusion you have encountered over the past few days.
Maybe while you are driving, suddenly someone yells at you not to turn right, in fact you have no intention of turning.
Maybe your longtime friend has just sent you a sad message about how sad they are that you haven’t texted them these days – just know that many of the articles you sent were unknowingly sent to their old number. And so on.
Misunderstandings are in many ways the core of conflict and stress as we explore life (see Nale, Geher, & Geher, in process).
Misunderstandings occur between members of married couples, friends, siblings, administrators and staff, teachers and students, etc.
If I had a nickel every time someone encountered a misunderstanding every day, I would retire right now!
What causes communication problems? 4 Psychological processes that contribute to confusion
When you look closely at the confusion, it turns out that there are many psychological processes that lead to confusion.
Here are four of the most widespread:
1. Egocentric Bias
Naturally, we see the world through our own. Eyes themselves. This fact is what it is. What I see with my eyes may not be what you see with your eyes.
I may see someone arguing with a restaurant manager about a check as someone who deserves to be praised for standing up for themselves. Meanwhile, you may find yourself complaining that it is disgusting.
We may end up disagreeing on this issue when we discuss it later. This type of conflict can easily arise from selfish bias (Sicoly & Ross, 1977) – the tendency to see the world in a certain way and assume that others share that view.
If I see someone standing up with praise and you see someone just wanting money from the bill, we would be wrong.
2. Disagreement of understanding
Cognitive inconsistencies (Festinger & Carlsmith, 1959) are ideas that people are encouraged to keep in mind. We do not like it when we hear something that is not in line with our worldview.
So the picture you are having a good conversation with an acquaintance. All is well until this person says he thinks the Rolling Stones have no musical talent.
Little did this person know that you own every Rolling Stones album and have seen them live many times. You take pride in your musical prowess and you are abandoned.
It is incompatible with everything you “know” to be true in your mind. This opinion led to a strong situation Cognitive inconsistencies And make you uncomfortable.
At the same time, this acquaintance has no idea about your relationship to the battery and also has no intention of making you feel uncomfortable.
In such cases, your tendency toward discomfort when experiencing cognitive inconsistencies leads to a bit of confusion. You excuse yourself and nod your head to complement your drink.
Related: What is a cognitive disorder? 5 Ways You Can Use It For Growth
3. Emotions versus cognitive processes
People also vary in the amount of information they rely on to process information. Cognitive inconsistenciesCharacteristics of cognition versus emotion (see Montgomery, 2010).
Pictures of two different family members on this issue. On Thanksgiving morning, they received a message from Aunt Edna saying she would love to be picked up at the train station, but that she was fine in the cabin.
Emotions in the selection team on the emotional content under the message – Aunt Edna, who is in her 80s, definitely wants someone to pick her up.
You feel like Aunt Edna is in a relationship. Feeling asked who to pick up Aunt Edna. On the other hand, those who do not feel seem to have completely different views.
We were busy making dinner – and Aunt Edna said she was willing to ride in the cabin. What is the problem? Misunderstandings occur.
4. Dispositionist bias
When we see others in action, we tend to blame them for their actions (see Ross & Nisbett, 1991). This phenomenon is called assignment bias and it is a common cause of misunderstanding.
Imagine you are driving home after a long day. You can not wait to do it at home. Suddenly someone cuts you off, forcing you to slap your break. The driver seems to be in a hurry – a fact that bothers you even more.
When you pull up to the next traffic light, you look at this driver. What you see is an old man with a dog next to him in the passenger seat. The dog looks almost unconscious and you know the main veterinarian in town is ahead.
Suddenly, instead of thinking that this driver is a comedian, you realize that this person may be kind enough to do everything in his power to help his sick dog.
Your gut instincts blame people driving on the idea that the person is just some selfish person who represents the prejudice of the prejudice. In fact, it turned out that the driver was in a very difficult situation.
Bottom line
Misunderstandings are too common in the world. They create rifts in family, friends, states, nations, and beyond.
Understanding the mental processes that manifest various forms of misunderstanding can help us better value the value of others in our world.
Related: 5 Common Causes Of All Marriage Problems And How To Deal With Them.
Once we know why misunderstandings occur, we can move toward building a world with fewer. I do not know about you, but I want to live in a world of awareness.
* Note: This article was inspired by a book project I was working on with my lovely wife Shannon and his thoughtful father, Jim: The Book of Understanding.
References:
Festinger, L., & Carlsmith, J. M. (1959). Cognitive consequences of forced compliance. The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 58 (2), 203–210. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0041593Montgomery, J. (2010). The Answer Model: A New Path to Healing. TAM Books.
Nale, J., Geher, S., & Geher, G. (in-process). The Book of Understanding.
Ross, L., & Nisbett, R.E. (1991). The Person and the Situation: Perspectives of Social Psychology. New York: McGraw Hill.
Sicoly, F., & Ross, M. (1977). Facilitation of ego-biased attributions by means of self-serving observer feedback. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 35(10), 734–741. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.35.10.734
Written by Glenn Geher Ph.D.
Originally Appeared on Psychology Today
