“I’m too busy” Probably got out of your mouth at least once when it was completely untrue. Maybe you do not want to have that conversation, attend that event, or tackle another thing on a pre-packaged plate.
For many people, especially survivors of injury, constant busyness can become second nature. When you feel stressed all the time, keeping in motion can feel safer than slowing down and facing what is happening below.
That’s why it’s worth asking: Are you busy responding to injuries or just a habit we never ask? Understanding the differences can be an important part of healing wounds and creating more space for yourself.
Highlights
- Treatment for PTSD requires an honest look at what motivates a person’s actions and words.
- When triggered, PTSD survivors may lie, claiming they are too busy to avoid overeating, distrust, self-care, and confrontation.
- Balancing time, priorities, and self-care begins with speaking directly and honestly to others.
- Neurofeedback, EMDR, Exercise, Meditation and Personal Development help trauma victims learn how to deal with and treat.
Did you ever say, “No, I can not do it. I’m too busy.” When you hear words coming out of your mouth, you realize that you are not too busy.
Are you saying this because you do not want to talk more with that person, do that work, or attend that meeting?
As a PTSD survivor myself, I realized my need to tell others “I’m too busy for that.” There was more to say about my path to healing than about the people, assignments, or meetings I chose to skip.
Related: 10 Trauma responses that you think are personality
It may be more appropriate to use four surprising words and tell people how I really feel about their requests, situations, meetings, and assignments.
Alas, I was born and raised in the South, and I learned this straightforwardly for my business trip to New York.
When I find the courage to tell the truth about being too busy, I can better manage the human situation and requests from others that can cause my PTSD.
In this article, I would like to share the myth that “too busy” is a crutch, not a reality. I also share questions to ask myself to understand how to recruit people, situations and projects. Causes PTSD Less often.
Let me start with new examples from my own life to show the signs that you are avoiding others compared to real self-care.
Last year I rallied thousands of rural neighbors in my hometown to fight a rubber plantation trying to redefine land 1,100 feet from my Smoky Mountain home.
In a year of epidemics and political divisions, I have had a lot of practice choosing between human and non-work situations.
Many times I feel insecure, attacked and vulnerable for my body and home, it causes me to pause and think about what really works, balance, time, priorities and self-care. I will share what I have learned with you.
When you say the word “Sorry, I’m too busy” Ask yourself these questions:
4 questions to ask yourself if you keep saying “I’m too busy”
1) Did I say I was too busy to avoid being with this person?
Reflections: Please note that if your answer is yes, you should remember that it is okay to spend time with others. Many. Injured victims Feeling out of control and sometimes it takes practice to speak “No, thank you.”
I often find myself in an unbalanced relationship, so I started talking. “I’m too busy” When exactly what I mean “I do not trust you, and because you do not trust me, I do not want to spend time with you.”
It takes practice. Be polite to yourself if you choose to speak “I’m too busy” Instead of reality “You are not trustworthy”
2) Do I say that I am too busy because I feel stressed, do not take care of myself and too thin?
Reflections: Survivor brains are relayed to allow for the overwhelming experience that causes the initial PTSD. I call it my “Spidey Feelings”. (As in Spider-Man – maybe the way the brain reacts is a bit superpower?)
Others may be completely comfortable in one situation, but I am frustrated by the danger. Other people can accidentally walk away from danger.
Those of us who are triggered may overreact, especially if we feel tired of taking care of ourselves.
I was eight years old when I was sexually abused. I did not bring criminals in my neighborhood to trial until I was 17 years old. So my brain connected itself during my formative years to cope with the experiences that dominated my physical and emotional well-being.
It’s hard to help my brain allow for self-care and balance. (It can be done!) No matter yours. PTSD Born out of war, beaten or abused, your brain changes to provide what you need to survive. (This is good news!)
Just as our digestive system adapts to existing nutrients, so does our brain adapt to its environment.
If I answer yes to this question, I have learned to say no to additional requests and immediately set more time in my calendar for self-care.
This could include massage, acupuncture, vacations, nature adventures, night outings with my husband, or extra exercise such as mountain biking or kayaking with friends.
In particular, I want to say that I found neurofeedback, EMDR, exercise, meditation, and ontology courses (like those at LandmarkWorldwide.com) Was very influential in my healing process.
3) Did I say I was too busy because I was running out of time?
Reflections: To avoid internal pain, many PTSD survivors cleanse themselves excessively, join a club, serve on board, or volunteer to help so they can stay calm and quiet. I have to admit I did it for most of my 52-year life.
It wasn’t until recently that I served on the local community council and was shouted at that I realized I was volunteering my time to avoid facing the truth about what I was feeling inside.
When I get home from a board meeting, I will send the last thing to my husband. He looked at me and said, “Does this service make you happy? Stop cycling with me instead of the baby”
After two years of serving on that board, without changing the way I was treated at that meeting, I finally took my husband at his request. In hindsight, I could not be happier with that choice.
It finally freed my schedule to lead my neighbors in our life struggle against that asphalt plant.
When I find that my schedule is too committed, I set a time, which I call PJ day. Literally I continue to wear underwear and do nothing all day. I hear our birds chirping in the backyard, snoring or swimming in a hammock.
I keep quiet and listen to myself by posting or creating pictures that interest me from magazines.
These lonely and quiet moments are the most important part of self-care that injured victims can give themselves.
Related: 10 Ways to Shame on You
4) Did I say I was too busy because I felt inadequate and needed my ego a stroke?
Reflections: This is a difficult thing for successful people to recognize. As an international journalist for the past three decades, I have taught people to brag about being a journalist for a living.
As a result, I interacted with many different types of egos. I will not call any specific customer, but I would say that all people can be self-motivated if not checked.
Suffice it to say, we all preach and teach what we need to learn. (Yes, even me.)
I was also driven by my own ego and used the word “Oh, I’m too busy” To feel the best in the moment. The biggest question for yourself when this happens is “Why do I feel the need to impress this person?”
In other words “What is there for you?” This relationship – for some reason – means something for you and you are bragging for a reason. Probably driven by insecurity, the word signifies commitment.
So when you see yourself bragging, stop asking yourself “What is my real commitment in this relationship?” I made my point with my two-year board service earlier in this post.
I would like to share the true story of that experience to show the selfishness, the power of direct speech and self-preservation.
The chairman of the board (retired therapist) stopped me for a day and said, “Michelle, another board member, asked me to ask you to stop bragging too much in the meeting.”
After making repeated requests to him, I first invited him to ask another chairman to sit down with me for coffee to discuss how my actions might mislead them.
Then I said
I reject your request to stop bragging because that is what I brought to the party. This organization must be proud in the community to be known and grow steadily. As a missionary, I work for a living, teaching people to be proud. This organization really needs what I teach my clients. I am volunteering for my gifts and talents because that is what we need on board.
Later, after thinking about our conversation, the chairman called me to apologize. He said he felt I was right. He later said he felt the other person was not safe.
Telling the truth now gives many people the courage not to gather. That’s okay. However, healing from PTSD requires an honest examination of a person’s actions and words.
It is not always easy, but the rewards are sweet because you are returned to joy, intimacy and reality.
Today I am not telling you that I am too busy to do anything. Instead, I will tell the truth and say, “No, thank you.” No explanation is required.
Michelle Tennant Nicholson, MA, is a human development expert, former contributor to Psychology Today, a physical therapist and an international public figure. She writes at the intersection of scientific and real-life therapies, helping people transform adversity into progress through practical tools, personal insights, and the power of storytelling.
As a teenager, Michelle helped put a rapist in jail. Today she writes and talks about injuries, resilience, relationships and freedom, drawing on professionalism and life experience. She is the creator of the WRITE the Trauma វិធីសាស្ត្រ method and author of The Diary Princess Chronicles, a real-life form of freedom carved out of chaos.
Find out more at: https://WriteTheTrauma.org
Written by Michelle Tennant Nicholson M.A.
Originally Appeared on Psychology Today
