“If you do not relax your mind and body, you will break down. Stop pushing yourself through pain and fatigue and take care of your needs.” ~ Lori Deschene
In November 2021, my autoimmune problem erupted. My doctor and I are still not sure which of my conditions — rheumatoid arthritis or fibromyalgia — is the culprit or if they are active in a hot state, but overall pain and fatigue is a strong sign that something is more active than usual.
I wake up tired, need to fall asleep and often run out of spoons – a phrase familiar to many people with chronic diseases, based on a beautiful article called “Spoon theoryWritten by Christine Miserandino.
While I may not know why, one thing is for sure, my body is in need of rest.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to relax?
I mean.
Knowing I needed a break did not give me the ability to take it off immediately.
I would sit and watch a show and find myself trying to do a lot of work. Or I want to fall asleep like a toddler. Instead of throwing myself on the floor in a hurry, I was trying to “push” so I could finish typing an email or move the laundry load into the dryer.
Even the body and brain that cries for rest, it’s hard to let myself do it. In the end, I had to adjust to being able to rest, forcing time to rest and relax.
We in the Western world, especially here in the United States, where I live, are organized to be productive. We are told — and we tell ourselves — all the things we should do to keep busy. Work in all its forms, from job to job, is something we “should” do.
We need to be conditioned to be productive and busy from a young age. We hear people say things like “I will rest when I die” and “Do not rest for the sake of fatigue.” We are exhorted to “pay our wages” and “put to work.”
If we were lucky enough to avoid over-sending messages about being busy and working, most of us would get those messages indirectly by looking at the people in our lives.
We watched our parents return from work with their hands full of grocery bags just for them to fix dinner while loading groceries. Or we are asked what we are doing and make a mistake if our answer to the question is “nothing” of the child.
After a long dinner, when things were clean or tidy and it was “time to rest”, we watched our parents work overtime, both paid and unpaid. Or we see them embroidered, ironed, or placed around the house.
We are told that we must “strive” to Success. That “nothing good comes easily”. That we should not stop when we are tired, but only when we are “done.”
Sitting and relaxing are not a priority. Those who decide to take a break often have to prove themselves right: they must have Get The right to rest.
Rest does not mean just sleeping, although sleep is a big part of it. It also includes sitting comfortably and not doing much at all.
It could mean listening to music or watching TV or meditating. Or maybe work quietly on puzzles or crafts or read a book or article. Maybe play solo or look out the window or make a note.
In the fall, when I was struggling with my autoimmune disease, it occurred to me that I should get more rest. I was so obsessed with my body that I did not realize how far I had pushed myself.
When I discovered my true feelings and emotions, I was shocked to learn that my mind and body were almost out of breath.
I waited to notice what was happening until I got to the point where I could not do many things in one day at all. Banner-laying days during that time may involve working alone or doing laundry or cooking dinner for my husband and me.
I was so busy that I could no longer honestly assess my need for busyness. I have lost the ability to adapt to my body to know if it needs to move and stretch, or even to stretch and sleep.
If I keep going longer, I’m sure I’m going to get sick. Like I was facing a brain haze, fatigue and joint and muscle pain, which made life unhappy.
Now it’s easy to see that I never let things get to the point, but fatigue and pain and brain haze have a way of working with you so you can not be too clear about anything. However, as I touched the brink of collapse and exhaustion, I realized that some serious breaks were in order.
I cleaned the calendar for at least three weeks. I cleaned up my work calendar of appointments, scheduled appointments, blog posts and a few short emails, and took a break.
It was the first torture.
For one thing, my husband still gets up and travels the world to teach Tai Chi and Qing classes, so he is modeling a “correct” work attitude. On the other hand, I found that I could not “just relax.”
I have to learn how to listen to my body to find out what it needs.
I was right too. reprogram my thoughts Rest is a right that we all hold and not a reward for productivity.
I also have to learn the real way Do It.
I did everything I had listed earlier in the form of relaxation, from sleepiness to puzzles to sitting still. It’s ridiculously difficult.
I almost had to force myself to limit myself to one task at a time. That is especially difficult if the task is mechanically simple, such as watching a TV show. My inner loneliness would start up by admonishing me to “just sit there”, urging me to be “productive”.
At the time, when I decided that a break meant watching movies on TV, I sometimes sat on my hands to make sure I did not pick up the phone or play word games or anything. I often leave the phone alone and deliberately leave it in another room to reduce temptation.
Full Disclosure: Even with taking action on a single task, I do not always manage. However, I have learned through reinforcement that nothing is likely to happen in an hour or two that requires me to give up rest and take immediate action.
I realized that in many ways I was re-training my nervous system to allow it to relax. I used to be so careful that taking a break and giving myself some time to get used to it.
What I learned as I began to budget my day was that I could begin to more easily tell the signals my body was sending. It was easier to converse with my brain and body to find out how they were feeling and what they needed.
It sounds a bit inconsistent when put that way, but I have never felt more integrated than I am now. At some point I can pause to find out what I am feeling (mentally and physically) and act on my personal needs in a way that nurtures and cares more than ever.
When I realized I was losing focus on the project – perhaps while typing a blog post or planning a workshop – I stopped pushing. Instead, after months of practice, I paused and examined my brain and body. Thanks to practice, I can quickly figure out if I need a regular break, get up, take a short walk, hang out, or take a break for the day.
I’m learning to accept that idea. Rest is a birthright, not something to be found. It was no longer a one-time thing that pushed me to the brink of collapse.
As it turned out, the more I relied on relaxation and built it into my day, the more energy I had to achieve everything I wanted to achieve in life.
When I take extra breaks or breaks during the day, I find that I am more focused when I need to work. When I include my day break, I have the energy to exercise in the morning and even make good food for dinner.
I invite you to join me in adding a real break to your day where you do nothing “productive” at all. Not interested in phone calls or emails or messages, just relax. I want to hear if it works for you.
About Kelly Ramsdell
Kelly Ramsdell is the founder and CEO of Real-I-Can, Inc., which helps people reclaim and reorganize their lives with ease. She has written two e-books. 12 tips to help you sleep better And Reduce your anxiety. To help people through these difficult times. Get them at Actually-i-can.comOr follow Inta, FacebookOr Twitter.
