Choosing a life partner is not just about who you are interested in right now, it is about knowing the way to someone who fits your long-term life.
Many relationships break down, not because of a lack of love, but because of the harmony of the relationship. Once you have a clear idea of what to look for in a partner, your decisions become more intentional.
These four criteria can help you see things more clearly before you do.
Most of us have never been taught how to choose a life partner. We feel attractive and assume that will be enough. Maybe we love someone and think that love is what we need for a long-term relationship or marriage.
Many of us graduate with trial and error, without a solid framework to guide us.
For most people, the pattern of relationships we see between our parents and others close to us plays a huge role in who we choose. For some, that is great news.
Related: 24 relationship compatibility questions to get a real sense of who he is
They grew up with loving, respectful, and encouraging role models. They are naturally gravitational toward a similar dynamic.
For others, those role models lead to relationships that are familiar but not necessarily healthy or satisfying.
Going back to my date, I was lucky enough to be introduced to 4 simple recipes for choosing a life partner.
I learned it from a woman named Juli Vinik who sacrificed her life to share these ideas with people seeking long-term love. She believes that a successful relationship requires All. Her four criteria to be met.
I remember telling Juli about someone I was meeting at the time. He met two of the four criteria. “Not enough” She said. “He is not one.”
I even dated one of the three of the four, and I asked her if it was really realistic to have all four.
She promised me and I believe her because she was happily married and helped many others succeed. Contact.
So I waited. Sometimes I make appointments. Sometimes I rest single. I have resisted cultural pressures to cope, and I have tolerated the “you are not younger” comments from well-meaning loved ones.
Sometimes I doubt myself, especially when someone fits three of Julie’s four criteria. I held it out and it was well worth it.
I finally met a man who had drawn four boxes, and we had been happily married for many years.
Because Juli’s ideas are so influential for me, I want to share her framework to support anyone looking for dating and mating games.
4 Criteria for choosing a life partner for a strong relationship
Criterion 1: You like or love the way they treat you.
This one is very simple: the way you are treated is important. When you date someone and treat them as your life partner, kindness and respect are essential.
When the inevitable relationship in the path occurs, they communicate in a mature, compassionate and respectful manner.
Criterion 2: You respect them.
Depending on how they treat you, you praise them for who they are. You really respect their values, choices and lifestyle.
Criterion 3: Compatibility.
This one is on a scale from 0 to 10. Juli taught me that 5 or higher is a must. You do not have to share all your passions or interests, but your goals, priorities, and lifestyle need to overlap enough to build something that is sustainable and satisfying.
Criterion 4: Chemistry.
Also on a scale from 0 to 10, this reflects physical and emotional attraction. Number 5 or higher means there is desire and energy between you.
It does not have to be a durable rocket, but it has enough chemistry for a long-term attraction to grow and sustain.
So what if the person you date draws some boxes but not all? Maybe you are very interested in someone, but you do not respect their life choices.
Or maybe you love the way they treat you, you respect them and are kind. Compatibility.But no. Chemistry.
Of course, we all have to make choices about what is best for us in a relationship. Everyone has different needs, prices and circumstances.
Related: Chemistry or compatibility? 10 signs that you are in love with the wrong person
These guidelines are just a tool for those who can use clarity and intent to choose a long-term partner.
I am grateful to Juli Vinik for teaching me this simple and powerful framework. It really changed my life.
If you are exploring the dating world, I hope these ideas help you to be patient, intentional, and open to mutual love.
Written by Andrea Wachter
Originally Appeared on Andrea Wachter
