Self-love questions may sound less exciting than rolling on social media, blaming your ex, or finding other ways to avoid things that really bother you.
But if you have struggled with self-hatred, you know that self-harm rarely changes. Learning how to love oneself does not mean affirming positively or pretending that everything is fine.
Sometimes it is as simple as pausing long enough to ask the right questions.
These self-love questions to ask yourself can help you understand what is going on under the surface and can even show you how to stop self-hatred with an honest answer at the same time.
Highlights
- People with neurological needs may not automatically pay attention to basic needs such as air, food, clothing and water.
- It’s okay to let friends go. Some people will live for a lifetime. Others will teach you something for a moment.
- Music can help when your self-esteem needs boost.
Last Thursday, I fell off my motorcycle not once, but twice. I stood up, saw the wound on my left leg, and began to cry. Crying has become an exercise due to asthma.
I took a deep breath as I cried in the forest, I heard my husband’s voice “It’s okay to use gloves to breathe slowly.”
My lack of control over my body gave me insight into five questions to love myself more and hate myself less.
Related: 5 Valuable Life Skills That Are Often Learned By People With Complex PTSD
From self-hatred to self-love: 5 self-love questions to ask yourself
1. Do I need air, food, clothing or water?
Like me, people who have neurodivergent Needs may not automatically take care of basic needs such as air, food, clothing and water.
Here is an example. I need to get my CPR back. Despite the advertisement that my hybrid class would be safe from the epidemic, I found myself in the classroom wearing a one-legged shirt from a maskless man whose breath was inhaled. He is not a teacher.
I freeze. Instead of talking up, I took the breath that covered COVID-19 that was being put on me. Later I regretted not standing up for myself. I wrote to complain.
The Red Cross wrote “For those who take our courses directly, we confirm that those courses are only for students who have been fully vaccinated, but we do not ask for proof of status.”
Why do I accept strangers who talk so closely? Why did I not take care of myself?
The trauma of a complex PTSD has left part of my brain responsible for self-care. Therefore, it is important for me to ask questions about basic self-care.
This is a self-loving question that I try to ask myself and remember in future circumstances.
2. Am I safe?
If you are confused PTSDYou can feel deeper whether you are safe or not than others who have never been injured or who are numb to danger.
In August I read Arielle Spring’s inspirational book. When birds sing. Spring’s boyfriend took her with several teenage boys who drove to a remote area and then raped her.
It reminds me of an incident at a gas station when I was 16 years old. I am refueling my red Volkswagen Beetle.
The boy in the neighborhood where I lost my virginity was driving with four boyfriends. They tried to get me in their car. All the muscles in my body are tense. I know I’m not safe.
Fortunately, I drove out quickly. When I read the details of Spring’s account, I reflected on another result, if I did not step into security.
Later in my life, I certainly did not follow the same internal instructions and was raped twice in adulthood. So now like Love yourself Questions I ask myself in every room “Am I safe?”
Spring Named Her Book When birds sing Because her father told her that whenever he heard birds singing in the spring, he hoped his fleeing daughter would be safe.
Now I hope the same for you. When you hear birds singing, hopefully you ask yourself “Am I safe?” Fly away to safety if necessary.
Related: Are you showing signs of complex PTSD? Here’s what you should know!
3. Is this person in my life for a season or a life?
It’s okay to let friends go. Some people will live for a lifetime. Others will teach you something for a moment.
Last spring while working with award-winning writers Empathy in actionNatalie Petouhoff I reflected on the meaning of empathy. I found myself at the grocery store with a frustrated cashier. I asked for a paper bag, not a plastic one.
Petouhoff’s lesson of empathy rolled through my mind.
Empathy: Ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
I chose to react differently from the cashier. Instead of matching her arrogance, I asked her “Do you have a hard day?”
Her head shot up and she caught my eye. “Yes! It was a difficult day.” She replied.
I answered “If it helps now, give me plastic, not paper.”
The cashier laughed.
Petouhoff’s book made me think about feeling like in someone else’s shoes. When I face difficult feelings like a cashier, it helps me to understand what I need to learn from that person.
I like to know that I can stay away from friends for “reasons or seasons” and keep people with easier behaviors for the rest of my life. Maybe by doing so I will have enough energy in my reserves to understand others who need it like a cashier.
The more you take care of yourself, the greater your ability to understand others.
4. Is my self-confidence supported right now?
Music can help when your self-esteem needs boost.
A Psychology today The blog inspired former client Rick Kamal to contact me about his daughter Arianna Kamal. She is a teenager with a nervous system who is committed to a music program called Neurotones.
After sharing music with her grandfather, she experienced what music can do to enhance relationships.
Music is my secret sauce, too. When editing memories in August, I used This playlist. To strengthen the stress of self-confidence.
What supports self-esteem when you need motivation?
5. Does this work motivate my purpose in life?
If you are experiencing procrastination, consider that your real purpose in life is to talk to you. When you find yourself procrastinating, draw a circle on a piece of paper and write your purpose inside. Don’t have one? Write, “To be happy.”
Outside your circle, create more circles that represent your community: gym, church, family, friends, etc.
Write in each community circle the purpose of that group in your life: Gym = to be healthy, church = to attend ceremonies together, etc. There is no right or wrong way. It shines on the delay.
After you circle your community, look at the work in progress in one of these communities and the commitment they represent in your life.
For me, this breaks the desire to procrastinate. Or it may make it clear to me that in the beginning the task was a waste of time and needed to be abandoned.
Related: Learn from injuries: 5 life skills that survive complex life PTSD teaches you.
If you recognize that these self-love questions come from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, bullying for you. Maslow’s work on basic needs and self-realization kept me in grade school.
I hope the questions I created from his work help you create a life that you do not want to run away from, sluggish or procrastinate. You deserve love.
To build the capacity to love others, start loving yourself. If these questions help, please write to me and let me know.
Michelle Tennant Nicholson, MA, is a human development expert, former contributor to Psychology Today, a physical therapist and an international public figure. She writes at the intersection of scientific and real-life therapies, helping people transform adversity into progress through practical tools, personal insights, and the power of storytelling.
As a teenager, Michelle helped put a rapist in jail. Today she writes and talks about injuries, resilience, relationships and freedom, drawing on professionalism and life experience. She is the creator of the WRITE the Trauma វិធីសាស្ត្រ method and author of The Diary Princess Chronicles, a real-life form of freedom carved out of chaos.
Find out more at: https://WriteTheTrauma.org
Written by Michelle Tennant Nicholson M.A.
Originally Appeared on Psychology Today
