Many years ago, I vividly remember celebrating a bizarre victory. It only took me a day to think about the problem.
I was caused by the end of another situation. I could feel them withdrawing. Something has changed, but I have no answer. I was stuck in that painful space.
For that day, I did what I always did. I replayed the conversation in my head, searching for hidden meanings, imagining situations and recalling what I would say if I could turn back time. I checked my phone more times than I could count and searched for answers on YouTube. To the last day, I was exhausted, but as usual there was no answer.
What makes this time feel like a victory is that this round lasts only one day. It may sound like a long time ago, but for me I know it is progressing. My typical pattern is to spend a week or more with a single problem (or a single person).
I remember saying, “If I could reduce it to one day, I would definitely reduce it to less.” That inner awareness ended everything changed. And as it turns out, I can.
Potential rejection, vague people, mistakes and uncertainty are my biggest motivators. Whenever they show up, I get confused and find myself completely hopeless because of my thoughts, which means I always feel anxious, anxious and desperate for answers.
Even outside, I really seem to have confident friends and colleagues who have it together.
To solve, I will try to solve the problem in my head, talk about it endlessly with specific people, research and check things non-stop and analyze the situation from all unimaginable aspects. No matter how much I think, I rarely feel better.
Eventually, after losing myself many times and searching for the soul for a while, I came to know about my mental habits and the impact they were having on me. I realized that something needed to change. I can go back enough to see that I spend too much time in my head and that it becomes a problem. I named myself a super thinker.
Acknowledging your overthinking is a win-win. It means that you have switched from automatic driving and stuck in your head to know all these usage habits.
That said, in my experience, a lot of people who call themselves experts think over and over without feeling able to stop spinning.
An important part of overcoming overthinking is recognizing the specific overthinking style you fall into.
Overthinking styles are different ways that overthinking manifests. It is not about the exact content of your thoughts, but the pattern that your mind follows when it is stuck.
Here are seven styles of overthinking. Which one or two do you contact the most?
Worry
Your mind jumps fast towards all the things that may go wrong in the future. Not only are you imagining the worst problems and scenarios, but you are also planning and trying to plan or prevent them, and this is often related to the ‘what if’ scenario.
Helpful Question: Is this a real issue I need to address right now, or is it a concern about a hypothesis that my mind is trying to prepare for?
Discrimination
This is when your mind goes back to the past. You remember things that upset you or try to make sense of what happened. You replay conversations, decisions or mistakes by trying to find things. In this case, you are analyzing what you should say or do differently and why, how they did it.
Useful question: Am I learning something new or am I replaying the same information?
Threat control
You will know it is happening when you feel very alert. This is you if you are someone who scans your inner or outer world for something wrong. Instead of relaxing in a situation, you often see signs of danger, rejection, or things not working out, even in normal, everyday situations.
Inside you notice every emotion or feeling and think something bad is happening or outside you are looking for signs and red flags.
Helpful Reminder: Just because my heart is looking for a threat does not mean there is one.
How to repair
This one disguises itself as positive (and sometimes it can be). It is when you feel the need to deal with your thoughts or feelings as soon as you have a problem to solve.
You don’t just sit with ambiguity. You start analyzing it from all angles, convince yourself of the different explanations, weigh all the options, and try to “think your way” into the right answer.
It can even turn into over-thinking self-help where you endlessly try to come up with the perfect idea or solution, but still end up focusing your attention on the key instead of feeling real or forward.
Helpful question: What if I do not have to deal with it now?
Self-criticism
We are our worst critics.. This is a time when you give yourself time to harden yourself and give up on yourself. Instead of just noticing your mistakes, changes, or problems, start judging yourself by telling them that you should do better or that something is wrong with you because of it and simply being impatient.
Helpful Question: If a friend is in my position, can I talk to them this way?
Self-care
This is an interesting one and for me there is a solid crossing with threat control. It has become very conscious.
This style is when your attention is turned to the inside too much. Instead of being present, you need to be very aware of how you are experiencing what you are saying or how you are being perceived by others.
You may be wondering if you are smart enough or if you are awkward, whether you talk too much or if others like you. In a social situation, it can feel like you are constantly looking at yourself through the eyes of others.
Useful activities: Gently divert your attention to the present and the atmosphere.
Aggressive thoughts
This style incorporates imaginative, motivational, or emotional scenarios that seem to enter your mind subconsciously. They can be strange, uncomfortable, shy, or even annoying. One time you are going through your day and then your mind will throw away thoughts that bother you.
Dislike thinking is a normal part of being human. Almost everyone encounters them from time to time. However, some people have vague ideas, find strange things, and move on. Others are interested in it, and that is when overthinking comes.
Helpful Reminder: Thoughts are not real or a reflection of who I am.
As you read the seven styles, you may be familiar with some or all of them. That is completely normal. There is nothing right / wrong and certainly no good / bad. The goal here is never to divide your over-thinking perfectly. Instead, use it as a tool to understand the patterns in which your mind tends to fall or move.
I truly believe that once you can identify your over-thinking style, you can start to walk away from it, or at least respond to it in a more helpful way by finding the right strategies and interventions for that specific pattern.
The next time you find yourself in a circle, pull up this list and ask: វHat style think more than that? That question alone is often enough to disrupt the mental circle and bring you back to yourself and the present. That moment of recognition may seem small, but it is often the first real step away from driving automatically and regaining control of your mind.
I used to celebrate just one day, thinking of more than one situation. Now, it usually does not last long. The main difference is that I can notice it much earlier and recognize what it is: a more familiar thinking style than what I have to deal with or fix.
About Callian
Carly Ann is an online psychotherapist and podcast organizer specializing in self-esteem. She works with people who are happy but struggle with self-doubt, anxiety and repetitive patterns in relationships or social situations. Carly Ann helps people gain a deeper understanding of the root of their problems, breaks down useless cycles and builds strong feelings of confidence and self-esteem. She is eager to share tools and insights that many of us have never taught. Website / Instagram / Podcast: Lessons in Self-Esteem
