A year ago I went missing.
Do not get lost in the sense that one can easily say why they are lost, but instead feel misunderstood, confused and self-doubting and whether they are good enough. One does not know where they want to go or what they want to do. However, I feel like I have found my purpose in life, i.e. my ikigai.
It did not come easily.
Being pushed out of one’s comfort zone and positioning oneself there is something you have to deal with. One would fear that perhaps someone was not good enough or would fail in what they were trying to accomplish. I have failed before.
Read more: How to Overcome Fear: 20 Ways to Overcome Fear
This is something I will never forget. This is the day I got my psychology score in the 12th grade exam. I was shocked beyond belief. My performances on the subject have been amazing. However, I immediately practiced a little on the topics I covered.
It’s funny how things happen in life!
Now I am a teacher of the same subject.
There have been many such incidents. There are some universities that I would like to get a response from, and their lack of response has hit me hard.
Denial can really destroy the soul!
However, in the midst of all this, something happened.
When I started my career, I changed. Listening to their problems, knowing how difficult their lives are, and feeling empathetic to them – all forced me to develop myself, which I had no choice in since my job was incorporated.
Gradually I was able to do it.
At first I could not speak, I was able to stand in front of the public and catch the attention of the audience. As I restrained myself, I learned to express myself in different ways; I even started doing things I could not do before, such as singing and dancing.
What self-improvement really means
Personal development is not an instant process where you become a completely different person.
Personal development includes:
- Be present even when you do not feel like being there.
- Accept your failures rather than hide them.
- Even small steps that scare you
Not everything is visible from the outside. Sometimes personal development means not giving up on yourself.
What helps me grow
In hindsight, it was not about anything easier that led me on the path of development.
On the contrary, it is I:
- There is no choice but to change
- Struggle even on difficult days
- Allow myself to feel everything – both high and low, anger and confusion.
- Learn by doing
The fact that we do not talk about
This does not scare me at all, though.
I’m still afraid to get close to some people. I still fear that one day I will have to hide again under my shell like a tortoise escaping the world. Some days are harder than others, full of mood swings and fatigue, anger and tears.
But it’s okay.
It means that growth and struggle go hand in hand.
What you can take from this.
If you’re one of those people who feels like you’re stuck somewhere can not move forward or is good enough – go there by yourself.
Read more: The real cause of inner emptiness and what to do about it.
Here is what I found:
You do not have to be prepared to get started.
You do not have to be confident to show up.
You do not need to know what you are doing.
You’ve just reached that very first step.
Get out of your comfort zone.
Then take another.
Where am I today?
I am now a Master’s holder. I have NET qualifications. I am learning and growing every day.
Although:
High and low mood
Is on medication
Tough days ahead
I continued.
Read more: How to overcome low self-esteem and insecurity: 10 tips
Last thought
The road is not always smooth. There are times when it is difficult and overwhelming.
But it is also great.
Sometimes growing up does not mean growing up.
Sometimes it just means you are no longer who you used to be.
Written by Samridhi Thukral
