Learn how to live life to the fullest with mental illness

There is a famous Latin phrase that I love very much: Carpe Diem. It means “capture the day”. Young people may be more familiar with the phrase “you are alive” or YOLO. Both phrases encourage people to live their lives to the fullest.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety since my childhood, making it difficult to live with these phrases and enjoy life. I missed a lot of precious time with loved ones.

Recently, however, my mental health has changed for the better, and I have tried my best to make up every time I miss something.

I am a Christian and my church recently has social gatherings or events. Usually at social events I am a wall flower. I do not participate much, like to watch and laugh from the outside. At this special gathering, I often danced in front and in the middle.

A church member even told me that he did not know that I was dancing like this. By the way, I can not dance, but I guess he said he did not expect me to dance freely. It feels good to give up and enjoy my fellow Church members.

There are family members at meetings with me and I would not attend if they were not there. I hardly make decisions without input from my family because my anxiety builds and I find it hard to believe my own decisions. My confidence is definitely going to get more work done, but for now I’m glad I had a good time getting together. This is not the last time I have walked out of my comfort zone.

I became more and more involved in my church and spoke at Bible study meetings. I usually do not share my thoughts in group settings because I generally do not like when there is attention on me. However, I am more comfortable with attention.

Every week my church has a prayer meeting, and recently a member of my church asked me to lead a prayer meeting on Zoom. I was scared to take it, but I decided to take it.

After the meeting, everyone told me I did a great job. Some even told my family members how the meeting went.

During the meeting, I gave a small presentation on the history of Mother’s Day, and one member who saw the presentation could review the details and share them with other members who did not attend. That makes me very happy because that means she is really listening and paying attention. It also means she enjoys meetings.

These two recent events, social gatherings, and prayer meetings reminded me of the distance I had come on my journey to deal with my depression and anxiety.

My family has also noticed a change. I said earlier that I missed the moment of friendship.

During a recent conversation with family members, we discussed the family going to see “Superman: Man of Steel” at the theater some time ago. I told her I did not go that day, and my family member replied that she remembered that I had my “moments” at the time.

It is true that in the past I experienced a lot of depression and I was very isolated. Loneliness only made my depression worse and my relationship with my family members got worse.

They could not understand why I did not participate in group activities. I was also easily offended, which made my family members feel that they needed to be more careful with me. They believe they are walking on eggshells when in contact with me.

Part of me believed that what I was going through was normal. The other part of me knew something was off, but I did not want to admit that I was dealing with depression. I do not want to deal with stigma.

As time went on, I began to get tired of dealing with my depression. I want to be happy. I want a good relationship with my loved ones. A healthy relationship with my family started by building a relationship with my therapist.

For a long time, I did not want to talk about depression with anyone because I was ashamed. However, my therapist helped me feel comfortable discussing my mental illness. When I feel better, I start talking to my family about my mental health.

Being open to my family helped them understand me and built a stronger relationship between us. My family may not fully understand me and my decisions, but they try. That’s important because it helps me understand.

I spent too much time assuming my family was not interested in understanding me and believing they thought I was weird. My assumptions are wrong. My family members not only want to understand me, but they also accept me completely.

I made the same assumptions about my friends and church, so I avoided attending church. Most of the time I went home immediately after the service, skipping fellowship and socializing. Just as I was wrong with my family, I was wrong with my fellow Church members. Since I started attending church more and more, I have received nothing but support and praise.

The love and encouragement I received helped to change my thinking. Not everyone judges me, and there are happy people who have me in their lives. This makes me feel more comfortable doing myself.

I may run to lowly people and judge me, but I am surrounded by more people who support me. I’m learning that what others think of me often has nothing to do with my values.

If you’re like me and you are dealing with depression and anxiety, know that you are not alone. Not only are there many people with mental illness like you, there are people around you who love you. And there is a good chance that these people are willing to help you if you let them in.

It is not easy to open your heart and give your confidence to others. However, when love and happiness have poured into your heart, you will be glad you took the risk and opened the door. Do not let mental illness take you away and prevent you from enjoying life. Carpe Diem, my friend. Carpe Diem.