“Good-hearted, moderate-minded, human-minded” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
I stop gossiping when life humbles me. I did not know at the time, but what I thought was just an innocent woman talking to my friends is really a way to Escape my shame And insecurity.
I felt so calm that I did not measure myself or my emotions. Gossiping has given me a moment to escape because it allows me to shift my focus to other people’s attitudes. Every time I do it, I feel guilty and ashamed, but I never think too much about it.
It was not until this morning that I was suddenly fired from my two-decade career, which made me angry, sad, frustrated, and feeling so worthless that I began to look at “innocent gossip” very differently.
I spent the first few weeks, really months, crying a lot. I struggled to find my place in a world where my job not only paid the bills, but it also gave me structure in a crazy world.
I remember sitting on my couch feeling like a vulnerable child and being exposed when I discovered that my friends, who I thought were my support network, were simply discussing recent hardships, such as the weather.
I felt exposed and betrayed, but determined to persevere.
It was then that I realized that gossip was a way to control the narrative for a moment when my own life was out of control. I turned to it when I was scared orx felt small, but it was just a miracle that made me feel empty all the time.
In my loneliness, I noticed a friend who always seemed negative, turning every conversation into a complaint and always talking about others. And that makes me wonder if she was too free to gossip, what would she say about me when I was not there? But I did the same to her.
Something changed when she realized she was tired and at last her wisdom. At the time, I realized that I was often filling in the blanks with judgment instead of curiosity. It would have been easier for me to gossip about her in order to maintain the comfort of anticipation than to ask her how she really was or just sit with her in silence.
What I labeled as rejection suddenly looked like survival and I could not help but feel that I was not the friend I wanted to be.
Now that I’m on the other side, I understand how words can hurt. I promised myself at the time that when I speak, it will be empathetic and attentive, knowing how words can hurt.
I had no problem telling people I was no longer gossiping, and I knew it pushed some of my friends away. And I’m fine because I no longer cling to those old patterns.
My own fights eliminate the need to judge, speculate, or talk casually about others. When you are brought to your knees by the loss of illness or fear, you begin to understand how fragile a human heart is and how harsh words can reach a person who has already drowned.
Compassion I have learned is not a high moral foundation. It is wisdom gained through pain.
As my life gradually eased, I began to learn how it felt to move through a misunderstood world, judging by appearances, as he struggled to live privately. While I was drowning, every whispered expression, every ordinary judgment, felt like the weight that dragged me to the bottom of the sea.
It is in personal space that gossip stops feeling harmless. It starts to feel irresponsible and does not care about the injury, not knowing how deep it goes.
Gradually I began to see how much energy wasted gossip and how little it gave back.
Gossip is not better than others. It is about to be my best version. It has become the protection of my own heart and the choice of empathy over useless thoughts and words.
My treatment requires space, silence, and the courage to speak only nurturing rather than harming. My own pain has taught me that everyone is carrying things heavy enough without my judgment adding weight.
Choosing silence and Mercy Change the way I move across the world.
Just last week I caught myself trying to join a familiar conversation, but I stopped myself immediately. In that pause, I realized how much freedom I could have lost because of my old habits. I listened more, judged less, and found pleasure in communicating with people rather than separating them. My energy is no longer drained by the weight of gossip, and my heart feels lighter, more open, and more peaceful.
Gossip only made me small, but now I choose to grow beyond it, giving my time to what really nourishes my heart: kindness, connection and understanding.
About Lisa Ingrasia
Lisa Ingrassia is a former HuffPost blogger and author of Belief Net. She is a monthly contributor for Family Christian with work also appearing in Her View from Home and The Mighty. She’s working on her memory, After AmenAnd share reflections on life, grief and love through her social media page. Daughter’s love. When she does not write, Lisa is a devoted wife obsessed with her puppy Nitro.
